I feel crazy. I feel like I wanna scream but at the same time I wanna cry. I feel like I wanna be held but also like I’d stab someone if they tried to. I feel like I want to be somewhere else but at the same time, I just wanna be in bed. I want to be high but at the same time, I want to sleep. I want my friends and yet I wanna be alone. I want to run but I don’t want to move. I want to cry but I also want to cut. I want ketamine and liquor and weed and I want to step off the edge of a building.
Suicidal people don’t tell people their plans for killing themselves. I’m still just writing about it.