Can a person be suicidal and not realize it until recreational substances bring forth those feelings? Is it possible to compartmentalize hopelessness, confusion, sadness? Can you not recognize the pain in your own eyes when looking in the mirror until the tears fall and all you want to do is drag razor blade end from inner wrist to inner elbow? Or until you stand on the edge of the rooftop and look down and wonder how far a drop it would take to not only break bones but completely crush your soul and stop your breathing…. How do I not know how little I want to live with this… This fucking hurt until I’m high and HAPPY? That’s the funny thing about drugs… They give you this sense of invincibility and yet, this clarity is offered. You SEE things and you know things and you’re so SURE until the comedown… Then it hits and reality creeps back in like a fog over the cemetery grounds and nothing makes fucking sense anymore…
Big Sean - Control ft. Kendrick Lamar, Jay Electronica (Lyrics) (by TheHDLyricsVEVO)
Kendrick Lamar has done it again.
This. Is. The. Beginning.
Can I just say… I can SEE, I can TOTALLY see how drug addictions are born? I mean.. I’m young and having fun and so this weekend I tried Molly in rock form and holy fuck. Just… Holy fuck. I crushed it and took half. Nothing. So I took the other half -the last piece with a shot of Patrón- and holy fuck. The world seemed like an 80’s soft porn movie, it had this… This softness to it. My hair brushed against my own shoulder and I was turned on. The world swayed but very lightly. My legs, they moved, but I had no destination. I sat on the arm of the couch and it felt… Amazing between my legs. I kicked off my sandals and laid on the floor and the coldness of it was everything. My dress caressed my legs and I giggled and everything… Everything was BEYOND good. I’m not glorifying drugs at all but my experience was AHmazing… And all I want is to feel like that again.
It’s crazy. Who would have thought that I’d be single this summer, or any summer soon for that matter!? I’ve been constantly cuffed… One almost 3 year relationship with my first love, Gina and another almost 3 year relationship with my first man… Alex. Shit is crazy to think about. I’m built for long term relationships so being single is kinda weird but it’s also a LOT of fun… ima gonna write another post soon and tell you guys what I’ve been up to but just know…. It’s been a crazy summer.
Leonard Nimoy as Spock & William Shatner as Captain Jim Kirk. (1966)
Zachary Quinto as Spock & Chris Pine as Captain Jim Kirk. (2009)
If this isn’t the biggest fuckin crock of shit. Seriously? I need a man’s opinion to validate how I feel about MYself? I don’t think I’m beautiful until a fuckin MAN comes along and says so!? Him making me “feel beautiful” is going to be amazing and life changing huh? He’s gonna make everything all better cuz he “makes me feel beautiful”, right? So all the sadness I MUST be feeling (cuz I’d obviously be sad if I never felt beautiful before) will go away, right? If this isn’t sexist and stupid and aggravating! Fuck this entire quote and your page for thinking that this was a quote women can actually agree with. And if you do… God bless ma.